Top 80 Signs You Have A Drinking Problem:

1 You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2 You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

3 Job interfering with your drinking.

4 Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

5 Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.

6 The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

7 Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

8 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

9 Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

10 "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.

11 When you can focus better with one eye closed

12 The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

13 Every woman you see has an exact twin.

14 You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.

15 If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?", but you don't really have a wife and you're talking to the refridgerator.

16 You fall off the floor.

17 You discover in the morning liquid cleaning supplies have disappeared.

18 Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

19 Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."

20 Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

21 Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.

22 The glass keeps missing your mouth.

23 Bill Clinton starts to make sense.

24 When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?

25 Vampires get woozy after bitting you.

26 The only drinking problem is not having a drink right now.

27 At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

28 Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.

29 When vomiting becomes a relief.

30 Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right, stumble, fall

31 You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom.

32 Barney, that dinosaur is damned funny!

33 You think, Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.

34 Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more attractive.

35 Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.

36 Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs.

37 No ocifer, I'm not drunk... you're just sober...

38 Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....No Problem

39 If on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.

40 Take me drunk, I'm home!